my brain changers: february (1 of 2)

'on changing the way i think'

what are my brain changers
come stay share your thoughts

'on reflecting'

i have been rewatching childhood home videos. there is a time when i am under ten years old, when i had no objection to being in front of a camera. it was just a thing that mama held up while we got on with our daily happenings. aware yet not vexed by it. everything was in full living technicolour. i then grew older and visibly tried to avoid it. it is startling to see yourself totally unencumbered by internal critics. sobering even. because growing self-doubt and lack of confidence rewrite the memories. it was a reminder also i took each moment as it comes, good or bad. it is startling to see yourself be so accepting of yourself and your body feeling like it's home. so sobering even. may our children be glad one day to also have such reminders.

'on stroke of insight'

a brain researcher suffers a stroke. she calls it a blessing and a revelation. it teaches her that by 'stepping to the right' of our left brains, we can uncover feelings of well-being that are often sidelined by 'brain chatter.' utmost fascinating insight


'on the living room'

human · raw · innermost · voyeuristic · inspirational · intimate · haunting · melancholic · caring · narcissistic · puzzling · lasting · emboldened · distressing · touching · disturbing · evocative · haunting · introspective · emotional · authentic · inauthentic

everything that i felt at the time and days after hearing this story about a one-sided relationship with new neighbors across the way that never shut their curtains 

let me know what you feel if you also listen to it

'on a september story' 

each woman has her own story 
suddenly, you’re something else, something grey and in-between 

'on sustenence'


it drizzles outside
the naked trees are swaying
a mesmerising rhythm
from left to right
and back again
you’re guzzling a milk bottle
am squeezing you tight
your hand is wondering
exploring gently up above
first my nose then eyebrows ear chin
the naked trees are swaying
a mesmerising rhythm
from left to right
and back again
commit to memory
a moment
you will grow up only to forget

'on words underlined'

· our societies have a huge collective regard for education; but they are also oddly picky in their sense of what we can be educated in. we accept that we will need training around numbers and words, around the natural sciences and history, around aspects of culture and business. but it remains markedly strange to imagine that it might be possible – or even necessary – to be educated in our own emotional functioning, for example, that we might need to learn (rather than just know) how to avoid sulking or how to interpret our griefs, how to choose a partner or make oneself understood by a colleague 'the book of life: emotional education'

· it's our ability to regulate our attention, reduce our reactive nature and cultivate positive emotions, that points the way of health and happiness. if we can calmly observe our own habits of thinking clearly, we can see it in others and have greater empathy. increasing the limited view of how we see our world and ourselves should be the next phase of human evolution; to extend the breadth of our consciousness and expand our range of choices. this will lead to appropriate alternatives and we'll be able to select each choice before we act on it. people who comprehend biological processes and make thoughtful choices shift from their self-centred world-view to a much larger interconnected one 'sane new world' by ruby wax

· live a life you don't want to escape from. // know what excites you. and what doesn't. maintain dogged clarity on that. only keep good company. that goes for the words in your head. air your wishes to those who will give you more air. but be accountable to you first. make and revel in your own rituals. fulfillment is a spiritual undertaking. know your life is your vocation. value your dedication to its cause. let plenty go. like believing you only live one life before it ends. like the bad influences that profess to be good. like the parental voice. like the importance of a lifeplan. like your complicated feelings about money. take joy in how your face feels when it smiles. make that a familiar feeling. because oh, will there still be sadness and illness. nevertheless. do what you believe is good and kind. others matter. they really do. offer yourself to that. walk in as much as you walk out. breathe in and breathe out. breathe easier at night. let your last thought be gratitude for the coming rest from yourself. laugh at yourself. forgive yourself. bravely wake and say of your life, it's not much but it's mine @whitepeak_ruth


'on good things'

· having time and head space to balance yourself
· languid pleasure of a yoga stretch you can finally take that bit further
· comforting crackle of a pre-loved vynal spinning
· his spontaneous hugs
· writing as a way to release
· the first bite of a buttered marmited toasted crumpet for breakfast
· the addictive surge of dopamine after a spontaneous morning run with friends
· a sense of belonging that catches you unawares
· first few words scribbled with a freshly sharpened pencil
· the faint lisp she acquired following loss of the second wobbly tooth
· leafing through a new issue of a favourite magazine - always back to front - savouring
· daffodil shoots peeking through the soil all over the garden
· watching the two of them and her make memories and bond again and again
· stomach butterflies of excited anticipation

anticipation of norway adventures. so i am skipping brain changers next week in favour of cross-country pursuits. i will resume with more brain changers the week after next. i hope you don't mind

have a gentle week and thank you again for your company